Kalli's Journal

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Without Armor

Somehow, in some way, something very strange had happened. It had nothing to do with the Deadwomen though. Those had been given up on after a very unpleasant run in with the master of the castle.

And that's where the general strangeness had begun. Instead of the usual sort of annoyance Cloud thought he should be feeling upon being caught and verbally chewed out for his curious wanderings, Cloud instead felt a deep disappointment. He did not want to fail Ansem in any way. In fact, he found himself realizing that he longed for Ansem's approval.

There was something very strange about that, but lacking any thing else to follow up on, Cloud wandered back to his room. The castle was a bit boring all of the time and sleeping was one of few things that effectively killed time.

Sleeping, however, quickly became the problem.

Cloud woke from yet another dream, sweat drenching his body and his mind racing. Looking wide-eyed up into the darkness of his very silent, very empty room, he gasped for his breath and then quickly shook his head, hoping to chase away the images from his mind.

But they would not go, intent on tormenting him in his dreams and even more frequently during the day. Every time he would steal a glance at Ansem, his mind would bound back to the dreams, playing them through as he wondered how real they were, if Ansem would repsond just like the dreams, if Ansem really looked so perfect when...

Cloud knew he was prone to obsessive fixations. The last one had turned into a painful, broken love but it had been intense nonetheless. In the boredom of the castle, Cloud yearned for something, even if it was for something so horrible as being claimed by his benefactor in repayment for so many things.

Somehow, wanting it so badly made him nearly sick to his stomach, somehting that only confused him more. And every time Cloud was even confronted by Ansem for something so small as tea or a question about clothing, Cloud would picture his dream-Ansem sweat-drenched and seconds from orgasm.

It wasn't healthy.

Neither was Cloud's current problem, which seemed to be his very demanding and impatient erection. Alertness had rather unfortunitely forced itself upon him just moments before what would have hopefully been the climax of his dream and a nice orgasm in his sleep. But no, he was not so lucky to get to share his passion with even a dream partner.

Reaching under the blankets, Cloud couldn't help feel a bit ashamed at what he was doing. Ansem. All he could think about was Ansem, naked, dark skin contrasting soft sheets and his own skin as... Damn he felt like he was back in training, having to sneak off to relieve himself because he'd caught a glimpse of his idol.

This was no way to live.

His own sweat was enough of a lubricant and his body didn't really want to draw things out too far anyway. Making a tunnel of his hands, he just went for it, stroking roughly and quickly, seeking the release he desired. He couldn’t bring himself to imagine even Ansem’s mouth on his arousal. No, this was now between his cock and his hands, racing to release the spiraling tension that was binding inside his body.

Sucking in the cool air from the still of the room, Cloud squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to have any thoughts at all as the world was replaced by the shimmering white stars of orgasm.

Later in the morning, when the sun had finally decided to rise over the castle, Cloud sat in the library again, absolutely not paying a bit of attention to the text on angels he’d discovered to instead watch as Ansem frantically flipped through a thick volume, muttering something too soft for Cloud to hear.

Ever since the Deadwomen incident, Cloud had really taken to not wandering much or asking many questions. Really, he didn’t want to know. He’d spent too many years as an adventurer, a knowledge-seeker. Part of why he’d signed on at the Coliseum was for a change, for a chance to just exist and earn his keep.

Now he wasn’t even earning his keep, invited to stay in such an elegant place but routinely ignored anyway.

Unable to just sit there any longer, Cloud rose and left, walking down to the main hallway of the castle on his way down lower to where he could gaze into the water and wonder if he wasn’t fading away himself, just like the edges of the world.

However, he didn't make it that far, finding himself instead face to face with what he accidently first thought was a face from the past. But instead it was simply a boy, a boy who looked too much like one long dead.

"Who are you?" the boy asked, looking somewhat unsure.

"My name's Cloud," Cloud said. "I'm a guest of Lord Ansem."

"So am I," the boy replied. "I'm Riku. Where is Ansem? And where are you going?"

"Upstairs and downstairs," Cloud said quickly, turning to go. Not looking back, Cloud didn't see the silver-haired youth linger for a few moments before heading to the staircase.

The water beneath the castle was something Cloud found interesting - something that should be wet but wasn't. Instead it just felt thick and though Cloud didn't understand it, he could breathe while submersed in it. Whatever magics ruled that world, they were strong.

Poking his way through the ornate sewerways, Cloud attempted to get himself trapped but couldn't even manage to do that correctly. So much for attempting to live through the thrill of needing to escape.

And as the day grew longer, the darkening space beneath the castle grew to be filled with heartless who seemed just as bored as Cloud did.

One of the last things Cloud was expecting when he grabbed the lift back up to the entranceway was for Anesm to be waiting at the lift-stop, orange eyes focused solely on Cloud.

"Come," Ansem said, gesturing for Cloud to step closer.

And lacking any of the hesitation that would have stopped him even days before, Cloud obeyed.