This Is Kingdom Hearts
Title: This is Kingdom Hearts
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Disclaimer: No ownership implied, no profit gained. This is a fanwork.
Summary: A summary of questionable accuracy.
Notes: Actually, this was a post to a private mailing list that was too funny to not share. It uses some inappropriate language and slang.
Once upon a time, there was this kewlies yaoi fangirl named Kairi. Everyone thought she was trying to get between the mad scrumping of her two guy friends, Riku and Sora, but really she was just a fag-hag and seriously wanted to watch. After all, who wouldn't?
Riku wanted to sail away from the little island they all lived on because it was a boring little island and he and Sora had boned everywhere they possibly could bone. They decided to take Kairi along so she could happily document their boning in book form to sell for mass profit! Yay!
But then all this weird trippy shit happens down in their usual place to sneak off and wank, and Sora gets grouchy at always being uke, so he and Riku go their seperate ways. While Riku goes off to get Super!seme lessons from various semes of the universe, Sora ends up getting some weird groupies and also a sexy older boyfriend named Leon.
Nevermind that Leon is also making it with shopkeeper Cid, since rumor has it that everyone is making it with shopkeeper Cid. He is a sexxy beast. Leon and Sora end up in a very interesting hotel and proceed to bang like bunnies. And heck, he manages to do it without crying or drooling or anything a stereotypical uke would do!
In the meantime, Riku is getting passed around like a snazzy mix CD and ends up getting an education in submission from a demonic blond named Cloud. Holy hell is that all some hott lovin' there!
It turns out that Cloud belongs to the most absofuckinglutely seme that ever seme'd, Sephiroth. They have all sorts of angsty smutty angry makeup sexx0rs all over the place, making everyone forget the plot for a bit as Sora wanders around to find Riku to show him that his ass has stopped self-lubricating and he can hit worth a damn, too!
Out pops Ansem, with his homoerotic bare chest and badguy goodlooks. Turns out Riku was banging this guy, too. Sora is jealous, so he offs the guy.
And then their adventures continue in a mediocre GBA game! Phwee!
Drink Lemonade! Tip Your Waitress!