Kalli's Journal

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-Bonded-

"I'm going to kill her," Kevin McDonnaghy said to himself as he looked into the mirror over his bathroom sink. "And then Ben will be mine again."

He combed his hair into place and grinned. The idea was nothing new, but tonight was the night he was finally going to get rid of the one thing keeping him from the only person he'd ever found himself truly in love with - Benjamin Williamson.

He'd known Ben since first grade, when they were placed in the same class at Saint Thomas Catholic Academy back in Clairmont. They quickly became close friends, going through all the typical childhood bonding rituals that probably weren't even safe nowadays.

By third grade they'd each cut open a finger with Ben's older brother's Swiss Army knife and mashed their blood together in hopes that being 'blood brothers' would mean that they could spend the night at one another's houses more often.

After sixth grade they were spat into the public school system, leaving them as blind newborns. The world was suddenly new. Kevin was in a different class then Ben that year, and the woman from the Health Department who was giving the grade a quick sexual education lesson had gone from class to class. Kevin heard the lecture first and while listening to the woman speak about love, reproduction, and the weird things his body was doing, he'd understood just how he felt about Ben.

A couple of passed after that. Kevin did all he could to suppress his feelings, to pretend to enjoy the time he spent with Ben and a few other boys as they watched the varsity cheerleaders practice. They meant nothing to him, but sitting beside Ben did.

"Where are my keys?" Kevin muttered as he grabbed a jacket. The tempterature had dropped during the afternoon as though it would rain, but the weather was holding so far. If he drove fast, he could make it to the party without getting wet. But a jacket would make so much more sense.

They'd ended up getting volunteered to set up some project for the younger Sunday School classes - that was the year after the cheerleaders - Kevin reminded himself as he found his keys on top of the kitchen table.

They'd ended up having to cut out a few hundred little pieces of laminated construction paper - too difficult for the children, they'd been told - one afternoon. And they'd spent the entire time talking about everything from football to what kind of cars they wanted now that they were old enough to drive.

"Ever kissed a girl?" Benjamin had asked, suddenly, making Kevin shift nervously in his seat. He almost mangled the laminated animal he was cutting out.

"No, have you?" Kevin replied after a moment.

Ben had shook his head. "All the girls think I'm geeky. And I wouldn't know how to kiss one anyway."

Kevin laughed. He'd had Sally Jacobson try to kiss him in the park about a month earlier, but he'd managed to duck out of that. He was rather sure he knew how to kiss someone.

"Don't laugh," Ben had replied, and after that the conversation had led to a proposition.

Kevin had suggested they practice with each other. Just practice, not a sin at all. Surely God would forgive them for wanting to get everything perfect when the time was right.

Ben's birthday gift was already in the car, wrapped. He'd had the service counter in the mall wrap the box for him. Kevin had always been horrible at wrapping gifts, and he wanted this to look very, very nice for Ben.

His car was a model year mid-size sedan. But it wasn't that he needed it - it was advertising. He'd been fast rising through the ranks of the auto dealership he worked for and had enough extra money for something more extravagant. Still, he wanted to show off the ordinary, affordable sort of car he could get just about anyone financing for.

"Mine," Kevin said outloud at the first traffic light he had to stop at. His thoughts still hadn't strayed from Benjamin and he was slightly aroused from where his mind had wandered to.

It had happened for the first time right in the church late at night, when they were supposed to be finishing up some other project they'd both volunteered for. The church provided the perfect bit of seclusion they needed, since they were generally left unsupervised and as long as they got their project done, no one bothered asking why it would take so long.

Just the thought of it brought Kevin to full arousal as he tried to remember which exit he was looking for on the freeway. He had directions printed on his invitation. No doubt Ashley had made them. She was so damned perfect.

"That's why I need to kill her," Kevin finished outloud, trying to adjust his pants to be a bit less constrictive.

He'd never been able to look at a church altar the same, not after he and Benjamin had ended up behind the one at Saint Thomas', bringing one another to orgasm as their tongues twined in lust.

Sure, he'd been with plenty of other people since then, including men, but nothing had compared to the sheer joy of how he'd felt at that moment.

"He belongs to me," Kevin told the little pewter angel that dangled from his rearview mirror. "Not her."

They'd gone to different colleges, and one winter break, Benjamin had brought home Ashley. Everyone had loved her - everyone still did, besides Kevin.

And as the next few years passed, they drifted apart. Kevin had gone to Benjamin's wedding, but not played a role besides guest. The birthday invitation had actually been a surprise.

"Six-oh-four," Kevin read aloud from the invitation, watching as he sailed by exit 607. Three more miles and a handful or turns and he'd be seeing Ben again. His Ben.

He wouldn't really do anything to Ashley. He couldn't. But... Somehow, it was a thought he always drifted back to. As if it wouldn't make everything so much worse.

There weren't any cars in the driveway when Kevin pulled up, but checking his watch, he was about ten minutes early. Present in hand, he walked up to the door. Before he could knock, the door swung open.

Ben.

"Kevin," Ben said slowly. "Wow, you look good. Is that a new car?"

"Model year," Kevin replied, cursing himself for not coming up with anything better in greeting. "Happy Birthday."

Ben took the gift he was being offered before inviting Kevin in. Nothing in the house looked as though a party had been planned.

"Ashley is in France right now, with her sister," Ben said with an apologetic look on his face. "And I didn't want to have a get together. I just wanted to catch up with you."

"Oh," Kevin said softly, very confused. "I thought Ashely had planned..."

"She and I really aren't getting along these days," Ben interrupted. "Would you like a drink?"

There was an incredibly thick sheet of tension in the air as Kevin nodded. He was there, alone, with Ben. Surely conversation would turn back to...

And then he realized that chances were, that was exactly what Ben was after. Kevin decided to press his luck.