Kalli's Journal

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Hate This Place

I somehow doubt
We'll ever be the same
There's too much poison
And confusion on your face

Aqua eyes filled with anger glared up at him, silently cursing him while their owner sought to grasp words harsh enough to express his feelings properly.

"Now I know why you don't think of yourself as a hero. You aren't."

And that was it - there was a deep purple shimmer as the air parted and the last bit of Riku's silver hair had streamed through the opening before Cloud could even think of words.

He'd forgotten what it was like to be that age and to find someone who seemed so accepting. At that age, just the tiniest bit of affection was like a permanent bond and when that was severed, there was hell to pay.

It stung to see Riku in that sort of pain, but what Riku seemed to not understand was that neither of them was pulling the strings in the great mess they'd both been deceived into.

As much as he wanted to just grab time and turn it back, Cloud knew he never could. Inside he still struggled some days to get past Nibelheim, to get past the constant feeling of being trapped... No matter how much he wanted, he seemed doomed to either confine himself or be forcably confined.

He had never gotten the chance to tell Riku just what was in his fragmented heart, the beginnings of a vicious circle that seemed unbreakable.

Riku's words echoed in his head as Cloud walked out from the corridor into the bright sunlight of the Coliseum. He was getting a bit of a tan now, finally free, at least, from the basement prison.

It still felt like he had years unaccounted for. The space between the end of worlds and the beginnings of others was a blur to him. He knew he'd been many places but he never knew for how long. Faces blurred, memories blurred, and in the end, Cloud found himself constantly uncertain beneath the collected facade he so carefully constructed.

A gentle breeze came from the west, bringing the smell of flowers with it. He didn't know the meaning of it, but he knew that someone would have a story to tell that would explain any phenomenon that occured.

There wasn't much to do now - he'd trapped himself this time.

In the end, he'd never truly saved anybody. Instead he had only brought about more pain.

Riku's words echoed in his head and he knew that they were true.