Kalli's Journal

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Almost Awful

The dissonance in his mind screamed at him as looked down at Sora. He knew this was right - this was what they did. Except it wasn't him, even if he had the memories. The memories didn't feel like his. He wondered if Sora could tell a difference or if Sora's memories were scattered amongst the never-ending blank walls of the the castle. Sora's face didn't reveal anything other than a mix of pleasure and lust with just a tiny bit of pain.

The replica did not understand quite why they were even entangled. They'd grabbed one another and there was just... an explosion of tension that had materialized as a flurry of undressing and semi-foreplay. The replica had paused after penetration, like he knew he should, so that Sora could adjust and stop wincing. He hated the wincing, yet Sora had insisted.

The odd, almost awful and almost funny thing was that despite having done this before so many times in his memories, the actual act and motion was somewhat tricky. He felt like he was figuring it out all over again. The replica hoped he was doing it all right. It felt right and good and wrong and good. Sora was grabbing at the floor beneath him and breathing heavily. That was good...

Without necessarily meaning to but definitely wanting to, he kissed Sora, demanding and trying to mimic his memory while adding something of his own - something better. He wanted to be better. Pressing Sora's legs up, he thrust harder as he tried to stroke Sora's erection in the same erratic rhythm of his own body. He hoped it felt the same. He wanted it to feel the same, but better.

The dissonance was overwhelming. He wondered how everyone had missed how much the real Riku cared about Sora. He thought of the word 'love' but rejected it. He, himself, couldn't love - not like that, at least. But he could make Sora moan and try to chase the forming tears away. That's about all he could do, before moving on to his actual assigned tasks.

He wondered if anyone was watching. He assumed they were all watching, and he didn't care.

Sora came, which was not at all like the act in his memories and without any control over the matter, he found himself lost in orgasm as well. Memory absolutely did not do justice to the sheer pleasure he momentarily felt.

And then it was over and he wasn't sure what to do, other than kiss Sora again and see what would happen.