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Worst Date Evar

Title: Worst Date Evar
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII(/Final Fantasy VII)
Disclaimer: No ownership implied, no profit gained. This is a fanwork.
Characters/Pairings: Yuffie/Zell, Yazoo/Zell. (a few others you'll just -laugh- about
Rating: M
Summary: Zell is sent to Deling City to get some information on a shady character.
Notes: Also, references to The Bouncer.

Zell wanted to laugh. Just an hour before, he'd been wandering through the dark alleys of Deling City trying to get some information for Squall.

"You remind me so much of my girlfriend," the girl sitting across from him said with a smile. "Friend who's a girl, I mean. Well... with girls it's different anyway, right?"

Shrugging, Zell glanced back to his menu. He knew he was too nice, but the girl, Yuffie, who'd grabbed him, seemed to have enough connections to possibly tell him what he needed to know.

"Well boys don't practice kissing with one another, do they?" Yuffie asked. "It's be totally hot if they did, but..."

"They don't," Zell replied quickly. Not often, at least. And not if they weren't named 'Irvine'.

"See!" Yuffie exclaimed. "So yeah, you remind me of her. She owns a bar near here, so we'll have to go later."


"But..." Yuffie leaned half across the table. "I have to know why you're looking for That Guy, first. That's trouble, right there."

"A friend needs the information," Zell answered. He didn't know the details.

"Well... you come dancing with me and I'll tell you what I can," Yuffie said with a pout. "No one ever comes dancing with me."

Zell nodded. Even if the experience was shaping up to be the worst date ever, the information would be worth it. And he could dance. A little.

Just after they'd ordered, the diner's door opened and in stalked a beautiful, silver-haired woman wearing a long black coat.

"Look away!" Yuffie hissed, reaching over to direct Zell's gaze.

"What?" Zell whispered. "Who is she?"

"He," Yuffie corrected softly. "He's just getting carryout. We're safe."

"He?" Zell swallowed hard. Obviously he had a few new things to question about himself.

"Yeah," Yuffie confirmed. "That's one of his little brothers. You thought you could get a little info about That Guy without even knowing about his family? Either you're dumber than you look or your friend set you up."


"Shh..." Glittering emerald eyes glanced their way.


Zell had a very hard time believing that such a deep, smooth voice came from such an effeminate body.

"Mister Yazoo," Yuffie replied quickly as he headed in their direction. "I'd ask ya to join us, but looks like you've got carryout already. Takin' it home for your brothers?"

"If I'd have known you were here, I wouldn't bother feeding those crybabies," Yazoo said as he shifted his takeout bag to one hand and reached to run black-gloved fingers through Yuffie's hair. "Though you seem to have a companion as well."


"I grabbed him off the street," Yuffie admitted. "We're going to go dancing. No one ever takes me dancing anymore."

Zell couldn't even move - either he'd been set up or Yuffie was bluffing perfectly. Still, there was no doubt that she and the beautiful Yazoo knew one another. But in a bad section of the seedy part of town, he also knew that there couldn't be too many circles to run in.

"Then I wish you the best, friend," Yazoo replied as he met Zell's eyes. "Take good care of this princess. And I'll see you both later at Materia. Go to the door - Sion will be waiting."

"Oooh, thank you!" Yuffie clapped her hands together and squirmed in her seat. "Half-price next time you need my help, okay?"

"For you, anything, Princess," Yazoo slid his hand down Yuffie's shoulder to take her hand, which he brought to his lips for a quick kiss. "But I must be off..."

With a wave over his shoulder, he slipped back out of the diner almost like a shadow.


"Oh, don't worry," Yuffie hissed. "I just work for them when they're willing to shell out. Especially any 'girl' jobs. Kadaj and Yazoo look gorgeous in drag, but if either one has to shed a top, they're done for.

Zell stole a glance at Yuffie's nearly flat chest and had to keep his mouth shut.

"Anyway, let's eat and then head over to Materia," Yuffie continued. "I think you'll get more than enough info for your friend."

"That Guy will be there?" Zell asked just as their waitress slid up to the table."

"You'd better believe it," Yuffie replied before smiling up at the waitress. "We're ready to order."

Definitely the worst date ever, Zell decided as they were waved past the doors to Materia and into a loud, crowded crush of people. Yuffie kept a tight grip on his hand, leading him to a less crowded area quickly.

"I don't see him," Yuffie said as she leaned over to loudly-whisper in Zell's ear. "But he'll be here."

And before he could reply, her hands were both on him, guiding his body into a much-too-close dance to the beat of the pounding music. At least he could dance - at least she could dance too. Even if their chemistry had bottomed out hours before, dancing proved quite fun.

Zell froze when a finger tapped his shoulder. Pulling away from Yuffie, he turned, not entirely surprised to see Yazoo standing there with a smirk on his mouth.

"Princess," he mouthed, not wasting his voice on the volume. "And her streetboy date."

Yuffie pushed Zell forward, into Yazoo's grasp.

And again, Zell swallowed hard. It was a mission, after all. He could dance with the man. He could let his body flow against that androgynous beauty.

Before he knew it, Yuffie was gone from view, mixed in with the crowd. And Yazoo was keeping him close, grinding against him in ways that really shouldn't have been exciting him so much.

He was there to get information, after all. Information... Yazoo's hands were winding their way down his back, feeling muscle before pushing his shirt up to touch skin.

Zell shivered, losing his step and the beat as he melted against Yazoo. Letting Yazoo move him, he tried to dance. Yazoo's own arousal was hard against him, obvious. He knew he was getting just as hard even though he was scared of just what he'd have to do...

A mission. Just a mission. And Yazoo was one of That Guy's own family.

"I like strong men," Yazoo whispered during the split-second that the music paused between songs. "Come with me."

Nodding, Zell took Yazoo's hand and let himself be pulled farther into the club, to where shadows lingered and a pair of much scarier bouncers guarded a single door.

Both bowed to Yazoo as he approached, and one reached to open the door.

And then there was just darkness - a hallway leading somewhere. Midway, Yazoo stopped. The music was at a dull mute. Zell tried to smile.

"You left the Princess pretty easily," Yazoo commented as he traced the tattoo on Zell's cheek. "I guess she really did pick you up off the street."

"She's a good dancer," Zell managed as Yazoo leaned in to trace the same path with his tongue. The wet heat on Zell's cheek made his entire body react. No longer did he care that Yazoo wasn't a girl - the way Yazoo was making him feel made him want to put the entire mission on hold just long enough to get off. Squall would understand, after all.

"You're nervous," Yazoo noted. "Don't worry. I won't fuck you if you don't want me to. You can just come drink with my brothers."

As much as Zell wanted to exclaim that being fucked sounded much like a good idea, he held off. Brothers. That Guy.

"A drink," he stammered.

"Yeah," Yazoo replied before smiling and quickly kissing Zell's lips. "Let's go."

It was no wonder, Zell thought, that Yuffie hadn't been able to find That Guy right away. The backroom of Materia was perhaps more appealing than the dance floor. With a tall glass of something too-sweet in his hand, Yazoo pushed Zell onto a strangely-shaped red chair that seemed to envelop his body.

The boy behind the bar had to be another brother, young and nearly as beautiful as Yazoo. He'd missed the whispered conversation between Yazoo and the bartending brother, but it hadn't mattered much. Looking around at the spacious, decadent decor was much more interesting. And the guests... Yet another brother had a pretty, brown-haired girl on his lap, her shoes kicked off as she laughed at something funny only to herself.

"Drink," Yazoo said with a soft smile. "Unless you want to share."

"Share?" Zell asked. There was one glass.

"Like this..."

Before Zell could think, Yazoo had pulled a bit of alcohol into his mouth and had leaned in for a kiss. Letting Yazoo kiss him, the cool liquid was surprising at first, mixed with the heat of Yazoo's tongue touching his.

He pulled back to swallow. It was too much.

Another door opened and closed. With Yazoo basically on top of him, Zell couldn't see past long silver hair, but he did recognize the soft chuckle immediately.

As Yazoo moved to sit on one of the chair's arms, Zell was able to see a dual-vision. That Guy, shirtless and glorious, was standing alongside a bound collection of black leather.

"Anything to report?" Squall asked as he walked over to where Zell sat. "Or are you going to need more time to determine any threats to our client?"

Yazoo frowned, standing straight up and looping a finger through the black-collar on Squall's neck.

"More time," Yazoo said. "But don't worry. I'll pay this one's fee from my own pocket."

Zell winced. All along, he'd been set up. But it hadn't entirely been the worst date ever.


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Disclaimer: I don't own it, I'm just playing with it. All titles and characters belong to their respective creators and companies.