Kalli's Journal

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Waiting for Rain

Cloud had pulled him from the water. Cloud had found him and saved him, dried him off and taken him home. Kadaj would never forget that. Not now, with his mind clear, not ever.

Months had passed. He'd tried to learn to be a normal boy - a younger brother who didn't have dark motivations. But Cloud-- Each lingering touch or long gaze spoke of more and Kadaj wished Cloud wouldn't hold himself back. It was okay. Kadaj wanted Cloud to know that.

He didn't know, however, exactly how to go about it. There was never a right moment to say anything. Not with Tifa around. Not when Denzel and Marlene barged in when he got too close to Cloud. Cloud belonged to them - Kadaj understood that. But he wanted to belong to Cloud, at least now and then.

Kadaj couldn't imagine dating or... anything like what he saw on the static-filled television shows or what he read in the tattered paperbacks that Tifa seemed fond of. He'd need to find a way that was all his own.

Cloud seemed to be expecting something. Or wanting.

Kadaj found him up on the roof of their building late one night. It was a warm evening, not quite summer, and it was quiet save for the hum of newly installed streetlights and the occasional sound of a car in the distance. Kadaj had woken up when he'd heard footsteps in the hall. He wasn't a heavy sleeper. Never had been. Some things didn't ever change.

Cloud heading upward was a surprise, though. Kadaj followed silently, watching as Cloud settled into a rusty lawn chair that spoke of many nights looking out over the growing city.

"Cloud?" Kadaj questioned softly. Cloud glanced back before silently nodding that Kadaj was welcome to join him.

"It's a nice night," Cloud said as Kadaj settled at his feet. "It's quiet up here, even when it's too noisy in my head--"

Kadaj nodded. He understood what it was like to be thinking too much and too long about things that either couldn't be fixed or didn't need to be thought about.

They sat in silence for close to an hour. Kadaj started to drop back to sleep while leaning against Cloud's legs. Finally, Cloud herded him down the fire-escape and back to his room.

The next night there was second rusty lawn chair, obviously scavenged. Kadaj didn't say anything. He just sat and watched the night with Cloud until again, he couldn't keep his eyes open.

If Tifa knew anything about how Cloud spent his nights, she never said anything. Cloud never seemed tired during the day, and he never went to bed early. Kadaj did peek in and see Cloud sleeping sometimes, but again, he just didn't know what else to do.

So he helped Tifa with the bar and hauled scrap now and then from beneath a bandana and baseball cap. No one ever recognized him, but he thought the disguise was safer anyway.

Finally, one night he settled in his lawn chair, beside Cloud's lawn chair, and after the first five minutes of silence, he reached over and put his hand on top of Cloud's. Cloud was warm and it felt good to Kadaj to be touching him. He felt warm and alive and after a few seconds, Cloud pulled away just long enough to turn his hand and thread his fingers with Kadaj's. Neither one said a thing. Finally, Kadaj was sure Cloud understood everything that hadn't been said.

He did not fall asleep - it was too hot anyway. He'd showered before slipping up to the roof and he couldn't tell if he was still damp from that or the humidity of the night. They'd been chased from the roof by rain more than once and Kadaj almost hoped it would rain again just so he'd have some hope of sleeping.

No sooner had he finished the thought than he heard thunder in the distance.

"Rain," Cloud noted. "Hopefully."

Kadaj nodded. He squeezed Cloud's hand and looked to where their fingers were joined. He was a little surprised how much paler he was than Cloud. But Cloud was out more during the day. He didn't hide himself from the sun and work on scrap in dark places.

"Should we go in?" Kadaj questioned.

"Not yet," Cloud replied.

The rain was on them in a flash, heavy and drenching them both as they scrambled to fold chairs and run for the fire escape. Kadaj was laughing under the rumble of the thunder and nearly fell onto Cloud as he pulled Kadaj in through a hallway window.

"Soaked," Kadaj managed. He wasn't really thinking as he pulled Cloud into his bedroom and pulled off his nightclothes.

Cloud hesitated by the door before latching it softly. Naked, Kadaj looked at him.

"Stay?" Kadaj asked. "Please? I've wanted you to-- I haven't known how to say it."

"That's not like you."

"I know. This is the first time I just didn't know how to get what I wanted," Kadaj admitted. Maybe not the first time, but the worst time, at least. Because he lived with Cloud. Because Cloud had saved him. Because one wrong word at one wrong time might've ruined it all.

"I--" Cloud shook his head. "I tried to tell myself it'd be wrong because you-- because you're--"

"Not anymore," Kadaj said quickly. He wasn't Sephiroth. He knew, though -- he knew about Sephiroth and if that was part of Cloud's hang-up, he completely understood. He couldn't fault that. Cloud and Sephiroth had shared a connection that Kadaj didn't want to replace. He just wanted something new and something real, not based on memory.

Cloud lingered, still, at the door.

"Stay?" Kadaj tried again. He stepped a bit closer, feeling far more awkward in his nudity than he had even a moment before. He'd probably messed everything up and this was just a sad attempt that was going to fail. Still, until he knew...

Cloud nodded, finally inching closer until he pulled Kadaj close, holding him like he had when he'd first pulled Kadaj from the water, like something precious.

Then Cloud kissed him - gentle at first until Kadaj forced him to part his lips and let their tongues meet. Kadaj felt a little guilty because he was relying on memory for this. It wouldn't really be his first time, because even though those memories had faded quite a bit, he still had them.

But where Sephiroth had only needed to ask, though actually there were some pangs of hesitation back in those memories but Kadaj didn't want to linger there, Kadaj...

Kadaj backed them slowly to his bed, bumping it with the backs of his legs before pulling Cloud down on top of him. Cloud was still fully dressed; Cloud just didn't seem to have pajamas. Kadaj didn't mind though, because the feeling of Cloud's clothing against his bare skin was strange and welcome and warm, despite being wet.

"I'm going to get the sheets wet," Cloud half mumbled before pulling away from a series of kisses that had Kadaj firmly aroused.

Cloud stripped quickly, leaving everything in a wet pile by where Kadaj's clothing had landed. Kadaj was thankful for the dim light of his fat-bulbed nightlight. He couldn't see in the dark as well as Cloud could and this was something he wanted to see. Cloud wasn't a big man, but he was strong in his own way and quite nicely built. Kadaj was still small, pale--

"You sure about this?" Cloud asked. "We don't have to--"

"Yes we do," Kadaj replied sharply. "Cloud..."

Cloud seemed to be mumbling apologies as he crawled onto the bed and started kissing Kadaj's neck and collarbones. Kadaj wasn't sure who Cloud was talking to, but he also didn't want to know. He just moaned and was thankful for the thunder covering up the sound of his voice.

He let his hands roam over Cloud, over Cloud's back and up in Cloud's blond spikes. Cloud kissed him again, mouth hot as their tongues met again and again. The memories hadn't let on how good it felt. But the tug from elsewhere was distracting, too. Cloud's hands eventually groped low enough to stroke Kadaj's erection. Kadaj cried out into Cloud's mouth before digging his fingers into Cloud's back.

"Kadaj?" Cloud pulled away, eyes wide and obviously afraid he'd done too much.

"'S'good," Kadaj managed. "I just... didn't think it'd feel--" He sucked in his breath. It had felt incredible. Cloud nodded and reached to stroke a little softer, fingers just brushing over the length of Kadaj's cock and pausing to swirl through the precome at the tip. Kadaj shivered and moaned softly and had to close his eyes as Cloud made a little tunnel of his hand and gave Kadaj a couple of quick strokes.

"Cloud..."

"Maybe you need to come first," Cloud suggested before another quick kiss. Kadaj wanted to protest, but Cloud's hand felt so good on him. He'd touched himself before, plenty of times, but this was so different and so much better. He found himself arching up into Cloud's touch, rubbing against Cloud's hand.

"It's okay," Cloud murmured half against Kadaj's neck. "Just come. We'll keep going."

"But--" Kadaj tried to protest, but already he knew he wouldn't stop unless he had to. Already, he could feel his body spiraling into release.

He tried to be quiet as he came, though Kadaj was fairly sure he failed. Cloud just smiled, though, before another kiss. Kadaj was not expecting Cloud to slip down to lick Kadaj's stomach clean of his semen before licking lower and sucking on the softening tip of Kadaj's cock. It was too much. Cloud kept going, though, licking carefully over Kadaj's scrotum and lower still, pushing Kadaj's legs apart fully.

"Roll over," Cloud whispered, barely audible over the storm. Kadaj wasn't even sure he remembered how to move. Nothing in his memory was quite like this. It wasn't his memory anyway. This was going to be an all-new memory.

Somehow, Kadaj made his way onto his stomach and Cloud continued, finding a tight ring of muscle and tracing it with one finger. Kadaj knew how this was going to work. He thought he did. He wasn't expecting wet warmth. Cloud was--

Kadaj moaned and grabbed at the blankets. He couldn't believe that Cloud was licking him there. It felt incredible, too. Mostly, Cloud just traced around, but then he'd push a bit, making Kadaj open just a little. Kadaj wasn't at all surprised when he started getting hard again. He squirmed a bit against the bed, getting a bit of relief as Cloud continued licking him. He moaned, too, unable to keep little noises to himself. Cloud made him feel so very, very-- everything. Everything he needed to feel.

"Kadaj?" Cloud asked softly as he shifted and pulled back.

Kadaj twisted, looking back at Cloud, who was sitting on his legs and sort of unintentionally showing off how very aroused he was. Kadaj could see the glint of wet precome on the tip of Cloud's erection and couldn't look away.

"Do you want to try?" Cloud questioned. Kadaj nodded. He let Cloud lay down and then moved to sort of sprawl, but Cloud tugged him otherwise.

"We both can," Cloud explained without really explaining. Kadaj felt almost too exposed, backwards and straddling Cloud and letting Cloud take him in his mouth. He stared at Cloud's erection for a moment, knowing he wanted to and hoping he could do everything right and make Cloud feel good. Any confidence he'd had - his usual confidence while cooking or scrapping left him completely. But he leaned anyway and licked at the tip of Cloud's erection.

Cloud took him all the way in and damn, Kadaj was fairly sure he was going to finish too soon again. Cloud had fingers everywhere, too, tracing tight muscle and over everywhere.

Kadaj just licked at the slit, taking more of the tip into his mouth as he figured out how, licking and sucking and trying to get a hand everywhere he couldn't get his mouth. He braced himself across Cloud's thighs but it still wasn't quite right. And he could barely focus - Cloud was taking him in nearly to the base.

Eventually, he just fell into a sort of unconscious rhythm that he hoped wasn't too awful and let Cloud bring him to a shuddering second orgasm. His legs didn't work and he had to pull back, breathing heavy against one of Cloud's legs.

"It's okay--"

Kadaj refused to believe that. He shifted again and looked at Cloud.

"Help me," he managed, to which Cloud nodded.

Cloud gave himself a couple of firm strokes while Kadaj caught his breath. Cloud touching himself was strangely hypnotic and Kadaj almost wanted to see Cloud finish himself off. Kadaj had never thought about what he might look like while masturbating. Now he was curious. But...

He reached and settled close, straddling Cloud's lap and putting his hands over Cloud's before Cloud again wove their fingers together. Kadaj caught on to the rhythm quickly, and was able to keep it up when Cloud pulled his hands back.

"Good," Cloud managed a moment later. "Close--"

Kadaj shifted a bit, still stoking as he leaned and started sucking again. He barely got any warning before Cloud came and he pulled back to keep from choking. But he swallowed what he could, surprised at how hot Cloud's come was.

And he was surprised when Cloud pulled him up into a deep kiss that said everything was okay.

"You should sleep," Cloud managed eventually. Kadaj nodded. He glanced toward the window, but the storm had stopped. He had no idea when the storm had stopped. And as he settled in beside Cloud, it didn't really matter. The night was no longer too hot and too miserable.

He'd sleep.