Title: The Badfic
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Disclaimer: No ownership implied, no profit gained. This is a fanwork.
Characters/Pairings: Leon/Cloud, Cloud/'Jenova'
Summary: Damned getting drunk with faeries.
Notes: Someone posted up a link to unquestionable badfic and there was a discussion about making any of the mess make sense and Kalloway piped up that she knew how. So... here's her take on some badfic.
Squall 'Leon' Loire Leonhart could not remove himself from the sharp, piercing gaze of the man sitting across the kitchen table from him.
"I suggest you find him and deal with him," Sephiroth said firmly. "I'll deal with Jenova if I have to."
Leon sighed. "You remember being that age, don't you?"
"You are that age," Sephiroth reminded Leon, not pausing even to look away. "Though I have to admit that it's fairly amusing..."
"I've learned my lesson about faeries," Leon said. "I suppose I should go out and look for my 'son'."
"And I for my 'daughter'," Sephiroth said slyly as he finally looked away as he stood. "My beautiful, near-human 'daughter' that the faeries brought to life..."
"Learned my lesson about sneaking around with you, drinking all of Laguna's wine and stealing Ellone's dolls," Leon continued as he pushed his chair back and stood as well.
"Does that mean you regret..."
"No," Leon said quickly and with a half-smile. "You don't really think she... could... y'know..."
"There are things I'd prefer to find out later than sooner," Sephiroth said as he stepped over to Leon and cupped his chin, forcing their eyes to meet one last time. "We should go drinking again, four years the wiser and well away from any mischevious faeries."
Leon froze. Sephiroth had become more unpredictable as the years had passed. But Sephiroth only let go and walked away, heading for the front door. "Say hello to Laguna for me, when he returns home. And beautiful Ellone, of course."
"Go," Leon said sharply. "I'll find Cloud. And Jenova, I fear."
A moment later he had grabbed a jacket and headed towards the woods.
Cloud moaned and dug his fingernails into the soft moss beneath him. He thought he heard his name, but he couldn't have. Not when Jenova had her lips around his cock and was attempting to suck out his brains using the most pleasurable means possible. This was the longest he'd ever lasted with her. Normally he'd humiliated himself in a bit under a minute. Maybe he was donig better because he wasn't thinking about it - he wasn't watching her as she traced her soft little fingers down around the base of his... now, now he was watching and couldn't stop.
She glanced upward. He mouthed her name. And a moment later she was gagging uncontrollably on his semen.
He heard his name again.
"Shit," he mumbled, trying to do up his pants and tuck his half-limp penis back into them but in the correct order.
"S'Okay," Jenova managed as she wiped her chin clean with the hem of her shirt. "But you owe me."
She smiled, beautifully pretty and almost doll-like. Cloud shivered. And then he stood up and ran as best he could, leaving Jenova where she sat.
Just past the treeline, Leon saw Cloud running toward him.
"Sorry," Cloud said as he tried to catch his breath. "I was out playing."
"Sure you were," Leon replied as he grabbed Cloud's arm. "Sephiroth came by looking for his daughter..."
The faeries who had animated the toy dolls that night had been cruel, tangling their fates together and instilling a wealth of emotions. Leon knew he was Cloud's protector, responsable for him. But he couldn't help the other feelings he had - the ones that surfaced whenever he saw Cloud's face red with the glow of a sexual romp with the doll-child of his childhood playmate and continued friend. But Cloud had once been his sister's doll. Everything felt wrong.
Leon led Cloud back to the house in silence. But once inside, Cloud didn't bother reigning in his thoughts.
"We weren't doing anything worse than what you do with Sephiroth," Cloud stated. "Don't think I don't know..."
"That was a very long, drunk time ago," Leon said as he reached out to Cloud. "Back when you were..."
"I know what I am," Cloud spat, knocking Leon's hand away. "I'm real, just like you. You may have helped bring me to life but you're not my father..."
"Good," Leon said as he grabbed Cloud's hands and held them, walking Cloud back to knock into the kitchen wall. "Do you love Jenova?"
"I rather like her tongue," Cloud replied. "Though when it's not being kept busy, she does get long-winded like Seph..."
Leon kissed him. If nothing else, it shut him up. Damned doll who was made into a real boy. Damned getting drunk with faeries. Damned everything... He wasn't thinking. Between dealing with Sephiroth and dealing with Cloud, he wasn't sure how he hadn't just gone completely insane and... Wait, he was completely insane. That's why he was kissing Cloud and Cloud was the one slipping him a little tongue as if he was the one pinned to the wall.
"You coulda just asked," Cloud managed when Leon pulled away and stumbled back a few steps, looking at his hands and the floor and anywhere but Cloud walking towards him. He chuckled. "I could call you 'Daddy'."
Leon bumped against the kitchen table. Every molecule of his body wanted to go in a different direction but was too tangled up with other fleeing molecules for him to actually dissolve on the spot. He grabbed for the wood behind him.
Cloud smirked and reached to stroke the half-erection that Leon hadn't even realized he'd had but probably knew he had - his brain was a little bit not working and he had his reasons. He had his... Cloud was on his knees, reaching to unzip Leon's pants like he knew just what he was doing.
Instantly he blamed Sephiroth. Usually that was good bet.
"That's what you named me," Cloud said before he finished undoing Leon's pants.
Leon closed his eyes. Maybe he'd wake up with Sephiroth staring at him. Maybe he'd wake up... Maybe he wouldn't wake up. Maybe there'd just be nothing.
The feeling of wet heat on his cock jolted him back to his fractured reality. Blue eyes met his.
"Yes," Leon said, his voice cracking. "Yes..."
Drink Lemonade! Tip Your Waitress!