Title: Sinking Deeper
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Disclaimer: No ownership implied, no profit gained. This is a fanwork.
Summary: In which Leon keeps a secret. Betrayal. Nostalia. Regret. Affection.
Now, he was the betrayer. He would sink the world - the worlds. No, he wasn't strong enough and he knew that. Every night reminded him of that, when all he wanted to give was his strength and power yet couldn't even handle the most basic touches and caresses from the man who grew much too strong when the sun sank low in the sky.
Answering to them both, Leon turned from the window to look into vibrant orange eyes. The twilight falling over Hollow Bastion was doing its task - it was bringing darkness.
"Lord Ansem," Leon said, slipping off of the window seat and falling to one knee like a proper knight. He wanted to ask if Riku had been this proper and had shown this much respect. Living on his knees would be nothing. Crawling...
"I believe I can work for a few hours," Ansem replied. He tried to sit up; his movements stiff and forced. But Leon knew better than to reach to assist him.
"What should I bring you?" Leon asked softly as he stood.
He had appointed himself keeper of the castle once Hollow Bastion had been restored, leaving the real work to Cloud and Cid. Claiming to be seeking out the last of the castle's secrets, Leon kept the greatest one of all.
Down in the deepest pits beneath the castle, where the water ran cold enough to turn to ice amongst the jagged rocks that supported the great weight of the castle's odd machinery, Leon had found him, nearly dead.
"The same as yesterday," Ansem instructed. "You did properly shelve them all this morning, didn't you? I do not like books being left stray amongst the library."
He knew. He remembered, from his youth, the way Ansem would let the town children come and seek knowledge but only if they returned it properly when finished.
His name had been 'Squall' then, and Ansem still called him that more often than 'Leon'. Ansem had made him 'Leon'. Somehow, coming from Ansem's mouth, 'Squall' was perfect.
"Everything is as it should be," Leon said as he walked over to rest a careful hand against Ansem's forehead. Not too warm, not too cold. "You seem..."
"Later," Ansem said. "Once we get closer to the moment of absolute darkness."
Leon chuckled. Absolute darkness. Always darkest just before the dawn.
He'd heard that one before - probably from his own mouth. Probably to Sora, as advice to put Ansem into this state.
The library was filled with shadows when Leon entered, creeping along the floor like their heartless counterparts. Four volumes, each in a language far too old for any but the most studious to pick up. Leon assumed that Ansem could speak them as well as read them.
Once upon a time, he'd thought that he'd tricked Ansem into taking his first kiss, but time had deconstructed that moment and remade it closer to the truth - what had seemed like an innocent plot to kiss the object of his masturbation fantasies was so completely shallow that Ansem had seen right through it.
He had claimed not to have enough information to understand the motivations of an ancient hero, to die for a kiss.
And he had been kissed.
That was a memory he had held onto, even in Traverse Town, even when he'd been convinced that Ansem had been the bad guy of the whole thing. A little misguided, yes, but not downright evil. Leon couldn't believe that Ansem was evil.
Not when those orange eyes had pleaded to him when words wouldn't come - to not let him finish freezing to death in the icy water beneath the castle.
Anyone else would have killed him - not just let him die but actually done the deed. In his mind, he could almost imagine Aerith doing it, her eyes squeezed shut as she slammed something sharp through...
Carrying them back up to the room he'd picked for Ansem, away from the sunrise and with the biggest bed with a dark canopy to hide him away, Leon smiled. He was betraying himself, too. Everything he'd worked for.
For physical pleasure along with the absolute joy at being needed. Yes, for the darkest part of the night, when Ansem would let him peel away the thick, dark blankets he hid under during the day. He liked the thought - his body a contrast against Ansem's dark skin, kissing every inch before taking the length of Ansem's arousal into his mouth.
Leon knocked once before entering, despite knowing that no one else was allowed in the tightly-locked castle and that truly, Ansem was expecting him. But he knocked once, before entering.
Ansem had barely moved, instead looking nearly as weak and helpless as he had that day beneath the castle.
"Here," Leon said as he slowly put each book on the bed.
He wished for stars to dot the purple sky.
"You may rest," Ansem said, glancing to the other end of the bed where the blankets were wrinkled ever so slightly.
Leon pulled off his jacket and boots before settling onto the bed, on top of the covers and without a pillow. He would rest.
Sharing a bed with Ansem hadn't intimidated him - not in the present and not when he had first let Ansem seduce him, luring him with more kisses that had led to him laying on Ansem's desk in the library, pants undone with Ansem's hands on his erection.
He couldn't bring himself to regret any of it, either. The past he could blame on the idiocy of youth, and the present was simply... divine.
Closing his eyes, he told himself what Ansem kept telling him - anything broken could be fixed. Ansem was not using him for evil, no... just that Ansem needed to keep using the darkness because his body was too weak to hang onto life, otherwise. He'd stepped too far...
Leon realized that he did regret something - that he was not strong enough to give his body to Ansem in any way other than sexual pleasure. Regret that he hadn't been there to offer his body when needed, at sixteen, youthful and full of desire.
Still, the fatigue of being awake all day, attempting to mime some semblance of normalcy in town, had gotten to him.
Sleep came easily, and he did not dream.
When he blinked his eyes open, quickly chasing away the haze of sleep was little problem. A warm mouth was on his neck, sucking at tender flesh.
A single candle burned, sending flickering shadows over his body as he wound his hands over Ansem's to help with the things that had always been tricky - his belts and his skintight pants.
"Eager," Ansem noted as he slid a hand lower to stroke the outline of Leon's partial arousal.
Leon wanted to comment that he'd been half-hard all day just from thinking about what the night would bring, but he kept quiet.
"And you?" Leon finally managed as he slid out of his pants and sat up to pull his shirt off. Ansem was already naked, not as Leon had remembered leaving him, and equally aroused.
"I think you know." Leon had always appreciated Ansem's commentary on the act. Raw. Honest. Not filled with euphemisms and fake attempts at affection that had dotted the handful of relationships that Leon had attempted.
There hadn't been the need - not what he had now as he grabbed at a jar on the dresser, not wanting to leave the bed but having to.
He hoped Ansem was watching him, those orange eyes following his skin as he moved. Lust. Want. Need.
With slicked fingers, Leon made sure Ansem could see him as he settled back onto the bed and pushed those fingers into his opening. He moaned, half in pain and half in pleasure at the hiss he heard escape from Ansem's lips. At sixteen, he'd fed off the sounds Ansem would make. Just like he still did. Just the same...
Stretching his body quickly, Leon was breathing hard by the time Ansem reached out to touch him. Ansem slid a hand along Leon's erection, gathering the fluid at the tip before spreading it.
Watching him... Ansem was watching him.
Leon knew he was ready - he wanted to come at just that brief touch. Grabbing the jar of lubricant, Leon kissed Ansem, forcing his tongue into his master's mouth with all the fervor left over from youth. He made sure that Ansem's arousal was as equally prepared as his body.
The initial penetration stung, despite his best efforts. And Ansem didn't move, letting Leon slowly slide onto him, pausing midway because they'd both forgotten to breathe for just a moment.
Ansem smirked. Or smiled, Leon wasn't sure. He liked the look of it. It was healthy. And Ansem thrust upward, making sure he had fully claimed Leon's body. He grasped at Leon's hips, guiding Leon up once before setting a rhythm that Leon needed to follow.
And Leon gave. Every bit of energy he could give. To what he protected.
He grabbed at his own erection, roughly trying to move his hands to match how Ansem was claiming his body. Bouncing, meeting rough thrusts as he watched the shadows flicker over their bodies.
Leon came hard, spilling himself between their bodies as he fell forward, unable to keep his hands on his erection - too much stimulation. Not that the muscle of Ansem's stomach was any better. And then he held on, knowing that Ansem's quick thrusts marked a nearing end.
He was still seeing white. Light.
It wasn't what he wanted, though.
No, he wanted to sink deeper into the darkness.
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