Kalli's Journal

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Doubt Him True

No longer could I doubt him true;
All other men may use deceit:
He always said my eyes were blue
And often swore my lips were sweet.

-Walter Savage Landor

"Since I found him collapsed in the street all those years ago and took him in, he has become a youth who serves me well."

-Ansem, KH2

'I must confess that as the years passed, the relationship between...'

'Experiments became more demanding, and my hunger for knowledge led to...'

'He never seemed to mind and I knew quite well that his real interests resided with...'

'When his mouth wasn't busy rolling theory over his sharp tongue, he...'

'Teacher and student, mentor and fresh blood, eventually those roles became twisted and tangled, leaving us both in a...'

'Telling me that Even had a theory while trying to seduce me in my own bed...'

'Some things are harder to admit to than others...'

'After so many years of working so dilligently in order to establish everything surrounding...'

'Denying the needs of my flesh ended up costing me...'

'I woke to find him in my bed, softly whispering about his heart and darkness, murmuring about chances that wouldn't present themselves again...'

'In times like this, I realize that such foolishness has no place...'

'He trusted me and I can't help but think that I was the betrayer...'

'Yes, I gave in. I...'

Ansem looked at the pile of papers on his desk, wondering why he couldn't begin the message that he knew would be vital to leave behind. Science was easy. Theories, ever present. But admitting to his own needs and even the dark lust of his heart...

Years ago, if he'd known...

No, he would have done everything in exactly the same way. Exactly the same.

Regret weighed heavy on him as he crumpled the sheet of false starts and threw it towards the garbage, watching as it bounced and settled beside the can just as the door swung open.

The object of his unwritten missive. How... ironic.

Without a chance to speak, Ansem could only watch as that very balled piece of paper was plucked from the floor and dropped into the wastebasket before eyes that he couldn't bring himself to deny decided to ask a silent question.

Knowing another confession would be in order anyway, Ansem pushed aside the paper on his desk.