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But Julian, I'm a Little Bit Older Than You #1

Julian took one last look at himself in the mirror, hoping not to see the disaster he was expecting anyway.

Outside it was raining, inside the modest apartment, it was just damp.

And Julian's hair did not like anything having to do with damp.

"Fuck it," Julian muttered, grabbing for the bottle of hair gel he'd set down not five minutes before. The top of his head had decided to defy both gravity and the hair gel, causing a frizzy brown halo that was most likely not noticeable to anyone besides Julian himself.

He wanted to look perfect because today was his big chance. He was going to land himself a new job. Well, he was going to try at least.

He didn't own a suit, so he was wearing the nicest pair of pants and shirt he could find. It still wasn't much though, he thought sadly as his eyes traveled down from his hair. He pondered just grabbing a baseball cap, but he knew that wouldn't go over well.

Since he'd turned sixteen, he had worked, in some capacity or another, for his Uncle Henry at SuperKwality Plastic Mold, Inc. But after Uncle Henry's death two years ago, things had gone downhill. In the end, the factory closed, leaving Julian and dozens of his peers unemployed.

He wasn't really cut out for anything besides working at SuperKwality. He was well on his way to becoming a supervisor for his unit, which was to say that he was going to occasionally do things besides make little parts to fit inside of car doors.

He didn't have the most versatile people skills, he knew. Most of the time at SuperKwality, he had dealt with people too doped up to care what he had to say. Sometimes, though those days were past, he had been too doped up as well.

In the end, a new store was opening in the mall. And it needed employees. Somehow Julian had made the cut to at least get an interview. It had been four months since SuperKwality's close, four months where Julian had done nothing besides mooch off of his phone-company salesperson boyfriend, Arden.

Arden was the one who had the apartment. Arden paid the bills. Arden was a little older and definitely kept Julian together during some of the more stressful times. To Julian, Arden was a rock.

One last look in the mirror and Julian turned off the bathroom light. His hair was going to look bad no matter what. It was a fact. All he could do now was try to be charming and not say anything stupid. If he could find his car keys. They weren't on the kitchen table, which is where he knew he'd left them. They had to be somewhere.

Finally his eyes caught on the key rack near the door. His ring hung there, mocking him. It had to be Arden's doing. Arden was neat and organized. Julian was not.

"Fuck," Julian muttered. It was five minutes later than he'd wanted to leave. And now he seemed to be stuck in swearing mode, which was not good.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck fuck," he sang, stepping out into the hallway and closing the door behind him. "Fuckity fuck fuck fuck..."

Hopefully that would get it out of his system. The last thing he wanted to do was cuss like a sailor, or a SuperKwality employee, in front of his prospective new boss.

His voice wasn't bad, not that anyone had ever told him that. He'd never actually tried to do much of anything while in school when it came to honing talent. He had been third string on the basketball team one year, but that had been it.

Wincing as he wandered into the parking lot, Julian wished he had a coat with a hood. But it was too late, he was getting rained on. Not wasting seconds, he ran to the covered parking space his tiny Ford Tempo occupied. Yet again he'd forgotten to lock the doors. It didn't look like anything had been stolen though. He didn't have much of anything worth stealing. Even the cassette deck didn't work and the button that swapped from AM to FM had broken, leaving Julian with just a choice of local AM stations.

The car stalled three times before it started, leaving Julian cursing yet again. As he pulled out of the parking lot, he flipped on the radio. There was an AM oldies station that was tolerable, and he tuned to it immediately.

It was the first thing he had bought with his income at SuperKwality - the car. The second thing that had come from SuperKwality was Arden. Arden had five years on Julian, but at sixteen Julian had thought he owned the world.

Julian's parents hadn't thought so. After a year of denial and tension, they politely arranged for Julian to live with his Uncle. At eighteen, Julian moved in with Arden.

Arden had short blond hair, sometimes spiked. He was tall, muscular, and generally the last person anyone ever thought to be involved with someone like Julian. Julian was small, but not overly so. His darkish hair covered his ears and generally looked better when hidden by a ratty baseball cap.

The last three years of living together hadn't been easy, but they had settled into a comfortable routine. The closing of SuperKwality, though, had been a bit of a kick in the head. It had been right around that time that Arden had started to pick up extra hours and work a sixth day every week.

Julian had gotten very, very bored. And he'd started drinking to kill that boredom.

"Fuck!" Julian exclaimed as he missed the third traffic light in a row. It would take a miracle to get him to the interview on time.

A girl group was cooing to their true love on the radio, and Julian couldn't help but start singing along. No matter how annoyed he got, a good song always broke through to him.

The mall parking lot wasn't overly packed. It was still early, Julian told himself, and it was a Tuesday. No one went to the mall on a Tuesday morning.

He parked outside the discount store. He almost always did when circumstance forced him to visit the mall. It wasn't one of those trashy discount stores. In fact, he wasn't sure 'discount store' was the right term for the place. But 'department store' made him think of Sears or something in New York City. Whatever the store was, he liked their stuff.

A sign on their door announced that they were hiring and Julian made a mental note to grab an application if his interview wasn't successful.

Just inside the door he saw a group of the store's employees lounging in the little cafe area, most likely on break. He watched them a second, wondering if he could really manage to be as happy as they all appeared while dealing with the public.

He was still watching them as he headed into the mall. Walking right behind them, he could hear snatches of what a red-haired man was saying.

"Matthew will be back today - you'll have to give up Halloween, Claudia," he said, looking at the girl who sat across from him. She pouted in response, and before she could reply, Julian found himself in the corridor of the mall.

He kept walking, glancing at the shops to either side of him, reminding himself that there was really nothing he wanted. Besides, he didn't exactly have the money for anything anyway.

He almost walked right past TrendBeat, a unisex clothing shop. He had applied for a part-time early morning shift doing menial cleaning and stocking. Hopefully that would still be the position available. He had his doubts about being a salesclerk.

The girl at the counter explained that she was the manager and that the interview would be very, very informal. She looked younger than Julian currently felt.

Trying to smile, he reminded himself not to cuss. And then he proceeded to prove just why he shouldn't be working with anything besides plastic door parts.

He got the job anyway.

**

Afterwards, Julian couldn't help but wander through the mall. It was early and the place was relatively empty, save for a handful of fitness walkers who were decked out in weights and sweatbands as they made their rounds.

There was a certain hesitation forming in the pit of his stomach. He'd never really been a mall person and he'd certainly never expected to work in the mall. But in the end, work was work.

One of his hands was full of paperwork, mainly a sheet explaining the dress code and how to get into the mall before it opened. None of it was overly complex, thankfully, though Julian was a little disappointed he couldn't wear his hat even before the mall opened.

At a bit of a loss for things to do with himself, Julian wandered back out of the mall and headed home. The rain had not let up at all, forming small rivers on the edges of the road. The truck in front of him kept spraying mist up onto Julian's windshield. What Julian really needed, he realized, was a new pair of wipers. He probably needed an oil change too. And possibly a new battery. Besides that, there was a slightly unsettling rattle that had gotten louder during the last couple of months.

Julian turned the radio up. The Supremes had the uncanny ability to ward off any sort of foul car-related mood, thankfully, as they filled the space with the soul of the sixties.

Throwing his keys down just inside the door, Julian tried to shake the damp feeling from his body. He felt as though the rain had soaked through his soul, not just through his shirt to coat his skin with its cool dankness.

He kicked off his shoes and sighed. He didn't start work until Sunday, leaving him with even more troubling free time. A sort of anxiousness was forming over him, making him jittery. He wanted to work on something, but he had no clue just what.

There was an old Dreamcast plugged into the television, but Julian couldn't quite bring himself to get wrapped up in a video game. Pulling off his shirt and heaving it at a kitchen chair, he settled down onto the sofa and turned on the television.

Arden liked movies, so they had all of the movie channels. Julian wasn't a particular fan, but if he could watch something from the beginning, he was happy. Arden had no problems watching movies from the middle, but it drove Julian crazy unless it was something he knew very, very well.

Surfing, he found himself the 'coming next' screen for a comedy. He was asleep by the time it was half over, his adrenaline spent and the warm blanket he had pulled over himself lulling him into a calming state.

Despite having slept quite well the night before, Julian didn't wake up until his stomach and bladder teamed up to let him know that they really deserved some attention. At least there were some edible leftovers in the fridge, Julian discovered once he'd returned from the bathroom.

The entire apartment complex seemed painfully quiet. Usually there was some ruckus somewhere, but that had dwindled as summer moved into early fall. Julian looked out the window after setting the microwave and wasn't overly surprised to see the leaves turning. The rain was still falling, casting a gloom over everything. It was prematurely dark outside and Julian found himself compelled to look away.

He had a half-formed notion that perhaps he was being given a sign. But before that could come to fruitation, the microwave beeped and warm potatoes and chicken distracted Julian from any thoughts more complex than calming his growing stomach.

He'd gotten used to eating most meals alone. Arden just seemed to always be gone, working longer and longer hours almost every month. But they were financially okay, so that was what was important on the base level.

Still, Julian found himself quite missing the intimacy of having Arden around, even for simple touches or smiles. Somehow not having Arden physically around was forming a sort of hole, despite the fact that Arden came home every night and crawled into their shared bed, quiet and almost apologetic for his consistent lateness.

That night was no different than any other.

And in that, Julian didn't even get a chance to mention his job. It wasn't the first thing on his mind. What he really wanted was a nice enthusiastic romp, just like they had used to have all the time when first living together. It didn't have to be drawn out lovemaking, it just had to be a quick, intense moment of sex and togetherness and everything Julian needed. He knew Arden loved him, but he was only human.

Instead, Julian settled in to sleep, trying to take comfort that Arden was warm beside him, offering comfort from the wind that had taken to howling a whipping around the outside of the apartment complex.

"Arden, are you awake?" Julian whispered a few minutes after Arden had finished getting comfortable.

There was no response. Julian was afraid that it would be a very long winter ahead.