Blip and Clatter
Title: Blip and Clatter (or 'The Chewing Gun of the Sonoran')
Fandom: Transformers G1
Disclaimer: No ownership implied, no profit gained. This is a fanwork.
Summary: Grab your jets and mind that cactus! Humorfic, the desert, jet-judo, and trading cards.
Notes: For tf_rare_pairing a very long time ago.
"Do you have any idea what this is doing to my paint?" Sunstreaker asked as he and Sideswipe cruised along a road that wound through the mountains of central Arizona.
"Nothing as bad as what ice cream, cotton candy and several thousand children would be doing to it if we hadn't accepted this patrol," Sideswipe replied flatly. "Three day patrol through the desert - slightly boring - or three days of charity fund-raising for some park or something - mostly sticky. Do you remember when Tracks..."
"You're right," Sunstreaker said. "This is boring, too. We should be..."
Sunstreaker stopped completely, including physically when two dark jets screamed overhead. Sideswipe had to swerve to avoid hitting his brother and ended up skidding backwards into the nearby runaway truck lane.
"Don't just stop in front of me!" Sideswipe yelled as he transformed and stomped out of the sand and gravel mix.
"Didn't you see them?" Sunstreaker asked. "Decepticons."
"Going several hundred miles and hour faster than we can," Sideswipe added. "Suppose we should follow them, though. It's been awhile since we've been able to beat up on any Decepti-creeps."
"A little jet judo?" Sunstreaker suggested as he revved his engine.
By sunset, neither of them had even found a blip on their radar that resembled a Decepticon. Slinking off beneath a slight outcropping from one of the jutting cliffs, the twins settled into a resting state that would last until the coolest - and darkest - part of the night. If there were Decepticons in the desert, they'd be easier to find if they were trying to light an area.
"Don't you think it's weird?" Sideswipe asked as he backed in beside Sunstreaker, his vehicle form little more than a cactus-needle's width from Sunstreaker's.
"What?" Sunstreaker asked.
"Two of them," Sideswipe replied. "They're Seekers. They come in threes."
Sunstreaker chuckled. "Not that again."
"Well they do..."
"What, do you have their trading cards or something?" Sunstreaker asked.
"Of course I do. So do you - I think you still have your own card stuck on the wall," Sideswipe replied. "And we used all that chewing gum stuff to..."
"I fail to see what this has to do with-" Sunstreaker began, only to be interrupted.
"'While not much is known about the evil Decepticons," Sideswipe recited, "two squadrons of jets have been reported terrorizing the skies. The Autobots are always quick to bring these groups of three down to Earth and save the day.' And then there's a drawing on the other side and they've got Skywarp's stripes wrong."
Sunstreaker mumbled something about actually resting. Sideswipe shut up.
And under the cover of starlit night, they headed deeper into the silent desert to see if they could find exactly where the two Decepticons had been headed.
The sun was rising and Sunstreaker had just pointed out that despite the low altitude of the Seekers, there was no evidence that they weren't in Mexico or even South America when Sideswipe picked up a slight, low signal on his radar. Of course, over the last few hours he'd also picked up, quite randomly, three semi trucks near Tucson and a small airplane that Sideswipe was quite happy to have missed. He'd also found a pirate radio station operating on an enjoyable bandwidth that was far more interesting than Sunstreaker's complaints.
"Down there," Sideswipe said, as he came to a stop along the one-lane unpaved trail they'd been following into the heart of the desert.
"Down where?" Sunstreaker asked. "I don't see anything."
"Yeah," Sideswipe agreed. "Obviously not building a weapon or anything. But Decepticons don't just get away from it all, do they?"
"I'm willing to wager that sometimes they just need to get away from Megatron and Starscream's argument of the day," Sunstreaker replied as he began to inch down towards the bottom of a small ravine that might contain the barest traces of a river.
"Were they always in threes on Cybertron?" Sideswipe questioned as he followed his brother.
"Yes," Sunstreaker replied. "Because Autobots are generally sent out in teams of two."
They inched closer in silence, skidding a bit on the loose stones of the upper rim of the ravine and each clipping a barrel cactus before catching themselves. Sunstreaker kept silent, but Sideswipe knew what his brother was thinking. And yet there was no movement beneath them other than the soft clatter of pebbles tumbling downward.
Finally, just before Sideswipe thought they might need to transform just to keep descending, the sun crested over the mountain behind them and the two dark jets were illuminated against the clear sandy area where they were resting alongside a bare trickle of water that wandered slowly through the ravine. They were still, resting in their vehicular forms with just the tips of their wings touching.
"Let's get 'em!" Sideswipe yelled, transforming and lunging before actually thinking the plan through, if it was really even a plan and not just a spur of the moment decision. Sunstreaker had suggested jet judo. And they'd never worked out much after 'fly through air, land on jet', after all.
They really needed to do that.
Sideswipe crashed against black and purple, startling Skywarp out of what was obviously a deep rest.
"Starscream, I didn't do it!" he exclaimed, fighting to transform beneath Sideswipe. In the process, they both managed to kick Thundercracker and knock him out of his own rest cycle. Sunstreaker grabbed for Thundercracker but only managed to get a handful of wing before being thrown to the ground, ending up beneath Thundercracker just as Sideswipe was thrown to the earth beside him.
"Looks like you two haven't improved any," Thundercracker said as he pushed Sunstreaker's hands above his head and shifted to hold them both with one hand. With a hand free, he used it to carefully pull away Sunstreaker's arsenal of weapons and toss them into the rocky sand beside them.
"Let us go," Sideswipe tried as he ended up in a similar position as his brother, though Skywarp hadn't bothered disguising his curiousity - and anger - as fingers jammed down along the joints of his armor.
"I think we will," Thundercracker replied.
"What?" Skywarp and the twins all exclaimed in unison.
"Why?" Skywarp asked. "We could-"
"Because," Thundercracker interrupted as he caressed the side of Sunstreaker's head, "there's no point. We have no way of dragging them back to Megatron, we can't hold them here ourselves and besides, what would we get? Nothing and an order to go run patrols or mind the Space Bridge."
"Did you ever get your own trading card?" Sideswipe asked as he squirmed beneath Skywarp. "We never got to collect them after the first set because of the chewing gum..."
"Mine says that I don't like dirt-hugging Autobots," Thundercracker commented as he pressed at the glass of Sunstreaker's windshield.
"Never got to see mine," Skywarp said as he leaned close to Sideswipe almost as if it was a secret. "And ol' Screamer had to get half his paint touched up... chewing gum."
"Skywarp!" Thundercracker warned, paying too little attention to his captive and allowing Sunstreaker to get a hand free, which he quickly used to grab Thundercracker's wing. Thundercracker gasped and tried to wrench away.
"Hey, kinda drag your fingers a bit," Skywarp said. "He likes that."
Sunstreaker smirked and did just that, earning a moan from the blue Seeker above him.
"What? You liked it when I did it a couple of..."
"Shut up," Thundercracker growled, shuddering a bit as Sunstreaker continued touching him.
Skywarp obliged, turning his mouth to Sideswipe. Sideswipe pulled his hands free of Skywarp's, using them to explore Skywarp's wings in the same way his brother was. Skywarp shuddered above him, pressing down into the already awkward kiss. Certainly a few of his questions were answered, though a few others were instantly raised.
Skywarp's fingers quested farther into the gaps in Sideswipe's plating, finding sensitive wires and lightly tugging at them. Sideswipe swore and doubled his own efforts. They were definitely all escaping something by coming to the desert but Sideswipe certainly hadn't expected anything other than a few potshots and more complaining from Sunstreaker.
Sunstreaker, however, had little to complain about, aside from a few blue-tinted scratches marring his paint. He and Thundercracker were engaged in a war, touching one another less out of curiousity and more in an utter demand for pleasure. Each brush of fingers was calculated, each motion and each kiss a strategic play that was only building to a stalemate.
"'Warp," Thundercracker growled a moment later, tearing a hand away from Sunstreaker and reaching out for Skywarp.
"Busy," Skywarp replied as Sideswipe arched beneath him, their efforts mirroring one another's but in no way as desperate and demanding as the pair beside them.
"'Warp," Thundercracker demanded, managing to grab one of Skywarp's black and purple wings before yanking hard enough that even Sideswipe slid on the loose ground beneath him. Skywarp swore and shifted them the rest of the small difference so that Thundercracker could continue touching Skywarp. Sideswipe lost track of who was touching him as he reached for blue metal. He thought it might be Sunstreaker with fingers down in a place only his brother would dare touch, but he didn't know. They found their breaking point as a tangle, wings and windshields and limbs as the sun began to beat down with the heat of the day.
Afterward, Thundercracker pulled to the side, watching as Skywarp continued almost languidly playing with the twins and they with him, almost squabbling over his mouth before getting him on his back and draping themselves over his wings.
"Mutual retreat," Thundercracker finally said, less of a suggestion and more of a demand. "Small scuffle, random chance meeting, won't happen again."
"But..." Skywarp began, only to stop as each Autobot sat up and nodded.
"Probably the first and last time we'll patrol out here," Sideswipe said.
"What exactly was that?" Sunstreaker asked a moment later as both Decepticons took to the sky and transformed, racing off into the scorching sun.
"Small scuffle," Sideswipe reiterated as he glanced up at the path they'd have to take to return to the narrow desert road above them. "Kinda makes me think about picking up some chewing gum."
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